I phoned the Royal Berkshire Hospital today to see if they had any more information regarding dates and was told that Mr Malone, my surgeon, was going on holiday and the earliest date given was 22nd February. I questioned the specialist nurse to ask if this delay represented any increased risk of spread. She then contacted Mr Malone who said that because of the increased risk due to the TIA (I had a very mild TIA in Nov 2006) he wanted a consultant anaesthetist to be in attendance. The earliest this can be synchronised between the two consultants is 22nd Feb.
Mr Malone has assured me, through the specialist nurse, that this period of time does not put me at increased risk of spread. He has decided that I am to continue my daily disprin even though that increases the risk of greater bleeding. The anaesthetist is happy with this. Apparently Mr Malone still wants to see me personally, as a courtesy, so I will be having another appointment some time in between now and Feb 22nd.
So I now have a period of 3 weeks before the surgery. That's long enough for me to settle down to some work, so it won't be wasted!
We are in good heart but naturally want to 'get on with it'. Our times are in His hands, not the hands of men, so we are at peace. Thank you again for all your prayer and messages.
Friday, 29 January 2010
Tuesday, 26 January 2010
Three minutes with the anaesthetist.
We were back at the hospital today for an appointment with the anaesthetist necessitated by hospital protocols! I think that is code for some departmental territorial skirmishes but these things are not our problems. We are right on schedule and are content in that assurance.
The appointment took three minutes... a couple of questions and a little more information about epidurals and the like and now we are back in the Urology Department's care.
I will let you know as soon as we hear a date. We continue to get lots of cards and emails and the promise of prayer. We are grateful for all these and especially the assurance of prayer.
Love to you all.
The appointment took three minutes... a couple of questions and a little more information about epidurals and the like and now we are back in the Urology Department's care.
I will let you know as soon as we hear a date. We continue to get lots of cards and emails and the promise of prayer. We are grateful for all these and especially the assurance of prayer.
Love to you all.
Monday, 25 January 2010
the Lord is in every little detail
Among the many emails and assurances of prayer that come into my email came one from a sister in the Lord in France who writes...
Can I ask you whether you have purposely called your cancer "prostRate" rather than prostate in your intro. on the blog?! If it is a typing mistake, surely the Lord is in every little detail!!!
May our days, easy and hard, help is to be prostrate before Him!!
No, it was not intentional.. on my part at any rate!
Yesterday in the our morning meeting I preached on the topic of 'an enemy has done this' from Matthew 13:28 and tried to outline the balance between the sovereign will of God and an enemy who is to be resisted even though he sometimes has the given authority to put us to trial and 'hinder' our service for God. 1Thes 2:18. Both James and Peter tell us that we are to humble ourselves under the might hand of God AND to resist the devil and he will flee from you. Getting this balance right is the key to peace of heart at such times.
From Adam's first moments man was intended to be an overcomer. He was placed in the garden in Eden to 'serve it' and to 'guard it'. The 'gatekeeper' betrayed God and his entire race and we have lived with the consequences ever since. But in the restoration that God is working the revelation of another Adam brings with it the instinct of the overcomer.
I do not 'humble myself' under this cancer, by God's grace I shall 'resist' it. I do not passively succumb to current events mindlessly but I actively submit myself to God and his current working of all things together for those who are loving him.
To use the language of my sister in France, I will not prostRate myself before this cancer or any circumstance of life. It 'cannot keep the spirit in me down' as Graham Kendrick said in one of his older songs. Even my enemies are being caused to serve me or as Wesley put it 'all the attributes divine are now at work for me'. Everything that touches my life must fall on its face, prostRate, before God. Every Dagon must yield to the God of Israel. We are the apple of his eye and his care is meticulous.
As for me, I am prostRate before him I love not from fear or because he is bigger than me but because I choose to bow to him and to no other. Thou art my God and I will praise thee.
I will not correct my spelling mistake but leave it as a reminder that God can use even the foolishness of men to serve him. ;-)
Can I ask you whether you have purposely called your cancer "prostRate" rather than prostate in your intro. on the blog?! If it is a typing mistake, surely the Lord is in every little detail!!!
May our days, easy and hard, help is to be prostrate before Him!!
No, it was not intentional.. on my part at any rate!
Yesterday in the our morning meeting I preached on the topic of 'an enemy has done this' from Matthew 13:28 and tried to outline the balance between the sovereign will of God and an enemy who is to be resisted even though he sometimes has the given authority to put us to trial and 'hinder' our service for God. 1Thes 2:18. Both James and Peter tell us that we are to humble ourselves under the might hand of God AND to resist the devil and he will flee from you. Getting this balance right is the key to peace of heart at such times.
From Adam's first moments man was intended to be an overcomer. He was placed in the garden in Eden to 'serve it' and to 'guard it'. The 'gatekeeper' betrayed God and his entire race and we have lived with the consequences ever since. But in the restoration that God is working the revelation of another Adam brings with it the instinct of the overcomer.
I do not 'humble myself' under this cancer, by God's grace I shall 'resist' it. I do not passively succumb to current events mindlessly but I actively submit myself to God and his current working of all things together for those who are loving him.
To use the language of my sister in France, I will not prostRate myself before this cancer or any circumstance of life. It 'cannot keep the spirit in me down' as Graham Kendrick said in one of his older songs. Even my enemies are being caused to serve me or as Wesley put it 'all the attributes divine are now at work for me'. Everything that touches my life must fall on its face, prostRate, before God. Every Dagon must yield to the God of Israel. We are the apple of his eye and his care is meticulous.
As for me, I am prostRate before him I love not from fear or because he is bigger than me but because I choose to bow to him and to no other. Thou art my God and I will praise thee.
I will not correct my spelling mistake but leave it as a reminder that God can use even the foolishness of men to serve him. ;-)
Saturday, 23 January 2010
I will be your God and you shall be my people
It's vital to keep this order of things. Often the temptation comes to do it 'my way' or 'in my time' which are simply variations of the oldest temptation of all that I can be my own god. Frustration, for example, is just the human response to not being allowed to 'do it my way' or 'in my time'. It is my squeal of protest when God does not allow me to be god and insists on the order of our title.
Our dog sometimes sighs. It always amazes me. This is a complex reaction. Clearly the dog has two concepts in its brain. One concept is what it wanted and the other is the concept of what it is getting. Our sighs are the same. They are the muted version of that squeal of frustration, an involuntary and wordless protest at what 'is' rather than what I 'wanted'.
These lessons have to be learned and re-learned. My surgery was on its way and I was ready... 'let's get on with it' was my answer to the consultant's advice about surgery. Now the anaesthetist has said 'Let's not get on with it until we have done some more enquiries into your general health' and depending upon whether we have a tendency to activity or passivity the reaction will be a squeal or a sigh. Unless, of course, there is grace for this moment. That would change everything.
Grace always changes reactions. It adds an ingredient that the medics can't quantify. So we are 'finding grace' and rejoicing that God is ordering our path in his own way and his own time.
For me it is another opportunity to yield to him in saying "I give my amen to this pattern of things. You be God and I'll be one of your people; it works better that way."
There is a wonderful promise in Isaiah 35 that in the fulness of Christ's coming everything will be brought under his perfect will and ... 'sorrow and sighing shall flee away'. There will be no more protests, not even muted ones.
Our dog sometimes sighs. It always amazes me. This is a complex reaction. Clearly the dog has two concepts in its brain. One concept is what it wanted and the other is the concept of what it is getting. Our sighs are the same. They are the muted version of that squeal of frustration, an involuntary and wordless protest at what 'is' rather than what I 'wanted'.
These lessons have to be learned and re-learned. My surgery was on its way and I was ready... 'let's get on with it' was my answer to the consultant's advice about surgery. Now the anaesthetist has said 'Let's not get on with it until we have done some more enquiries into your general health' and depending upon whether we have a tendency to activity or passivity the reaction will be a squeal or a sigh. Unless, of course, there is grace for this moment. That would change everything.
Grace always changes reactions. It adds an ingredient that the medics can't quantify. So we are 'finding grace' and rejoicing that God is ordering our path in his own way and his own time.
For me it is another opportunity to yield to him in saying "I give my amen to this pattern of things. You be God and I'll be one of your people; it works better that way."
There is a wonderful promise in Isaiah 35 that in the fulness of Christ's coming everything will be brought under his perfect will and ... 'sorrow and sighing shall flee away'. There will be no more protests, not even muted ones.
Friday, 22 January 2010
Surgery Rescheduled?
I phoned the hospital earlier today to confirm my arrival on Sunday but have been told that the *anaesthetist wants to see me before confirming that the surgery can go ahead. I now have an appointment with the anaesthetist on Tuesday 26th and no idea when surgery might follow.
This is a disappointment (or his-appointment as we have been taught to spell it) having arranged a family clan meeting and various other things for the weekend but as my old Bible college principal used to say 'the steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord... and so are his stops'. Not that we make any claims to 'goodness'!
Please continue to be in prayer that all procedures will progress in perfect synchronisation with the Lord's purposes in all this. It is easy for us to become 'blinkered' by what we perceive to be the Lord's will and to forget that he works 'all things', not just those in our focus, 'for good according to his will for those who love HIm and are the called ones in his purpose.'
* anaesthetists are doctors with specialist training who decide (with my consent) what kind of anaesthetic is most appropriate and its relative risks. They also decide on pain control and manage any necessary blood transfusions.
This is a disappointment (or his-appointment as we have been taught to spell it) having arranged a family clan meeting and various other things for the weekend but as my old Bible college principal used to say 'the steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord... and so are his stops'. Not that we make any claims to 'goodness'!
Please continue to be in prayer that all procedures will progress in perfect synchronisation with the Lord's purposes in all this. It is easy for us to become 'blinkered' by what we perceive to be the Lord's will and to forget that he works 'all things', not just those in our focus, 'for good according to his will for those who love HIm and are the called ones in his purpose.'
* anaesthetists are doctors with specialist training who decide (with my consent) what kind of anaesthetic is most appropriate and its relative risks. They also decide on pain control and manage any necessary blood transfusions.
Wednesday, 20 January 2010
Surgery scheduled for Monday 25th January
Hi there,
Just spent 3½ hours at the hospital.
The PSA test (see earlier blog) has come in at 11, which is a good drop from the 63 which triggered the alert. This indicates that the high level was skewed by the urinary infection. If if had remained high it would have been another indication of the aggressiveness of the cancer and they would not have advised surgery but 'control' with radio therapy and hormone therapy.
The lower level means that there are more options open and the significance of this is that the consultant is now talking about cure rather than control. So he has advised open surgery to remove the prostate and the lymph nodes. This may be followed by radio therapy but in any event the PSA levels will be monitored and if it 'just so much as twitches we will zap it with radio therapy'.
I then had to go to the pre-operation preparation unit for more tests. Those all went well and if the anesthnetist?? is happy we are ready to go. In fact, it looks as though there has been a cancellation and I am now scheduled for major surgery this coming Monday 25th January. So I go in on Sunday and Mr Malon will operate first thing on Monday morning! I am then expected to me in hospital for 3-5 days before being allowed home. It could be 4-6 weeks before I am fit to drive.
There are always attendant risks with major surgery and we remain grateful for your love and prayer.
Margaret and myself were very impressed with the evident care and professionalism of Mr Shah, the urology consultant, and we had determined to agree to his advise.
We are a bit weary after the experience but are well.
We remain secure in His love and in His hands.
Just spent 3½ hours at the hospital.
The PSA test (see earlier blog) has come in at 11, which is a good drop from the 63 which triggered the alert. This indicates that the high level was skewed by the urinary infection. If if had remained high it would have been another indication of the aggressiveness of the cancer and they would not have advised surgery but 'control' with radio therapy and hormone therapy.
The lower level means that there are more options open and the significance of this is that the consultant is now talking about cure rather than control. So he has advised open surgery to remove the prostate and the lymph nodes. This may be followed by radio therapy but in any event the PSA levels will be monitored and if it 'just so much as twitches we will zap it with radio therapy'.
I then had to go to the pre-operation preparation unit for more tests. Those all went well and if the anesthnetist?? is happy we are ready to go. In fact, it looks as though there has been a cancellation and I am now scheduled for major surgery this coming Monday 25th January. So I go in on Sunday and Mr Malon will operate first thing on Monday morning! I am then expected to me in hospital for 3-5 days before being allowed home. It could be 4-6 weeks before I am fit to drive.
There are always attendant risks with major surgery and we remain grateful for your love and prayer.
Margaret and myself were very impressed with the evident care and professionalism of Mr Shah, the urology consultant, and we had determined to agree to his advise.
We are a bit weary after the experience but are well.
We remain secure in His love and in His hands.
Saturday, 16 January 2010
why me? Does God care?
Of course the obvious answer is 'why not me?'. The facts of suffering and a loving God seem powerful contradictions and every thinking person must have thought these thoughts. At the time of the Asian tsunami I wrote this article for a Christian website. The Haiti earthquake has prompted me to reissue the piece. And what is true of the greater is often true of the lesser so I will give the same answer to my small scale suffering as for the big picture. You can find it on The Biblebase Second Thoughts Blog entitled 'Tsunamis, earthquakes, genocide and the love of God'. Tell me what you think.
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